The Conversations We Avoid (But Shouldn’t)

Let’s be real—how comfortable are you when it comes to having those tough, awkward conversations with your partner? You know, the ones that make your stomach do a little flip before you even open your mouth.

How do those conversations usually go? Do they end in frustration, misunderstanding, or maybe just get avoided altogether? And if you're avoiding them…why? What’s holding you back? What are you afraid of?

One of the most common (and often most avoided) uncomfortable conversations? Intimacy.

We’ve seen time and time again that couples struggle the most when it comes to talking openly about what happens in the bedroom. But here’s the thing: avoiding these conversations doesn’t make the problem go away—it just makes intimacy feel like an unspoken mystery rather than a shared experience.

Why Talking About Intimacy Feels So Hard

For many couples, conversations about intimacy feel too personal, too vulnerable, or even too risky. There’s a fear of judgment, rejection, or simply not knowing the right words to say. Maybe you grew up in a home where sex wasn’t openly discussed, or maybe past experiences have made you hesitant to bring it up.

But when couples don’t talk about their intimate lives, frustration builds. Assumptions take the place of understanding. And that can lead to disconnection—not just physically, but emotionally, too.

So how do you change that? How do you create a space where both of you can communicate honestly and without fear?

Enter: The Menu

If you’ve ever wished for an easier way to start those conversations, The Menu might be exactly what you need.

The Menu is a simple yet powerful tool that helps you and your partner talk about intimacy in a way that feels structured, safe, and clear. Think of it like a restaurant menu—some things are your absolute favorites, some things you’re open to trying, and some things just aren’t for you.

It works like this:

1. Create Your Own Menu – Each partner writes down different aspects of intimacy in three categories:

   • Appetizers (Foreplay and affectionate gestures)

   • Main Courses (Different levels of intimacy and connection)

   • Desserts (Special experiences, surprises, or deeper desires)

2. Rate Each Item – You each mark things as:

   • Yes, please! (Excited about it)

   • Maybe, I’d try it (Open, but unsure)

   • No, thanks (Not interested or uncomfortable)

3. Compare & Discuss – Exchange your menus and look for areas of alignment. Celebrate the "Yes, please!" matches, talk openly about the "Maybe" items, and respectfully acknowledge any boundaries.

4. Check In Regularly – This isn’t a one-time exercise. Over time, preferences can change, and keeping the conversation open ensures you’re always on the same page.

Why This Works

✅ It removes pressure – You don’t have to blurt out awkward questions or fear putting your partner on the spot. The Menu gives you a structured way to express yourself.

✅ It fosters curiosity and fun – Instead of a dreaded “talk,” it can feel like an exploration of what makes your relationship exciting.

✅ It builds trust – When you can discuss intimacy openly, you create a culture of honesty in every area of your marriage.

More Than Just the Bedroom

Here’s the kicker: when you and your partner can have hard conversations about intimacy, you’re strengthening your ability to have hard conversations about anything—finances, parenting, faith, boundaries with family, or any other challenge life throws your way.

Couples who communicate well about intimacy often communicate well about everything else.

So, how well do you navigate those tough talks? And what might change if you started having them more openly today?

💬 What’s one conversation you and your partner have been avoiding? Drop a comment below and let’s start normalizing real, honest connection.